What you’re after is to change the look behind the other person’s eyes.”

– Jerry Zaks, Broadway director

If you’re not familiar with Jerry Zaks, let’s just say he is to Broadway what Steven Spielberg is to films.  Over the course of his career, he’s won numerous awards including four Tony Awards — the equivalent of four Oscars — for his directing.

I was lucky enough to meet him of all places while on jury duty. But that’s another story…

A few months later over lunch, I asked him how he directed his actors so that their behavior on stage became so real and their dialogue so connected.

His response:  “I tell them that what they’re after is to change the look behind the other person’s eyes.”

Take a moment to read that line again.

In less effective productions (and sales, consulting and even interpersonal environments), people talk at each other; their words feel hollow, fake, and staged.

An example I often give in seminars is this: If in real life you loan your car to an 18-year old, you might say, “I need you home by midnight.  Do you understand?”  Before you hand over the keys, you make sure the teen gets the message and you do so by waiting to see that the look has changed behind her eyes – in other words, that your message has registered.  But so often in sales, you see people literally throwing the (metaphorical) car keys and then moving on to the next point.

If your intention is to truly connect with that other person, the result will be a shift in understanding or emotional state, and that shift will register in their eyes. The look will change to one of intrigue, relief, comprehension, agreement, joy, excitement, etc.

A huge benefit of this process is that it requires you to “get the attention off yourself” (a common acting phrase), which allows for less self-conscious behavior as well as a genuine interest in the other person.

So, where’s your focus? On you and your words, or on really connecting.

Change the look in their eyes. And it will change your business…and your life.